Owings Mills, MD – Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh took in his yearly pre-season meal with the King of Demons, Asmodeus, at a Fox Ridge Olive Garden on Tuesday night. The yearly meal has been a ritual of Coach Harbaugh’s since his first superbowl appearance in 2013, and the two have remained close ever since. Asmodeus has made many deals with other NFL coaches, such as former New England HC Bill Belichick and former Raiders HC Lane Kiffin but vehemently denies such a deal ever taking place between himself and Coach Harbaugh. “He has too kind of a soul for any of my kind to even want it, let alone feel comfortable in offering something in exchange for it” Asmodeus said in Latin, which was translated later by an unpaid and nonexistent intern. Asmodeus spoke highly of Harbaugh’s work ethic and his passion for the sport, comparing him to many coaches with whom he has regular interactions. “I did that slimeball Bill a solid with his current girl, and Kiffin is such a squirmy dude, he always seems to text me at weird times, going on and on about things like expired coupons and vehicle warranties, and it’s like, hey -don’t you have a game tomorrow? It’s 3:30 a.m., dude. Get it together.”
Kiffin seen in this stock photo attempting to convince a referee to attend a nearby furry convention
Asmodeus, at one time considered the king of demons, has since softened in his old age, a change he contributes to Harbaugh’s unflinching belief in his “ability to be a good person, even if you are a demon.” Asmodeus spent a few hours with Harbaugh as they worked on the formers survivor pool.
At dinner Coach K opted for soup, salad, and breadsticks, claiming it’s “quite a fantastic deal”. Asmodeus ordered off the menu, a regular occurrence of his, requesting the staff make him a gluten-free Italian Quesadilla.
