Pittsburgh – In a recent interview on Cameron Heyward’s podcast, “Not Just Football,” former Steelers linebacker Joey Porter made the claim that Roethlisberger was not a good teammate or person. This statement shocked NFL fans across the world who were born after 2008 or have had their head in the sand in the years prior. Porter claimed his ass is foul of all foul, and that he was a whiney and rapey little bitch (summarized due to length). It can’t be understated how disgusting of a human Ben is, and these claims are absolutely believable to anyone with a working prefrontal cortex (this essentially rules out Steelers fans) and basic morality (google is your friend here).
The universal ‘cover your drinks’ face known to women across the country
After the absolutely credible accusations of rape, Ben did what anyone in his situation would do – rededicate his life to Christ, which is not suspicious whatsoever. Roethlisberger now encourages people they can be both good at what they do for a living and a good Christian. This advice was taken to heart by Sgt. Jerry Blash, who posed for photos with Big ol’ Rapey Ben before eventually investigating him for sexual assault. It was rumored that Officer Blash also received tickets to Steelers games and still claimed that it did not affect his investigation in any way whatsoever, super serious, and for reals. Roethlisberger eventually settled out of court, which innocent people with a lot of money always do. Screw you, Ben.
