Kansas City – Local man Dale Lunkmore has taken to his social media accounts to express how little he cares about the engagement of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. Lunkmore has made sure to share his feelings with the Twitter (or X, if you are a ding-dong), BlueSky, Facebook, Reddit, and even the comment section of the Kansas City Star. “I just don’t care anymore, why are we continuing to be blasted with this crap?” he asked, both in the comment section of PornHub and over the phone with his Verizon agent. “we have way more important things to worry about, why do I have to keep seeing this???” he bemoaned to a flustered teenager working the counter at the Culvers near Lunkmore’s home.
Lunkmore distraught after realizing he may have locked his keys and infant in his Pontiac Aztec
Lunkmore, a self described “6 year Chiefs fan”, could easily be reached for comment. When asked why he was so concerned with the news of the impending nuptials, it took approximately 3 full minutes for him to muster the words “Kelce ain’t gonna, I mean, why? Stick to sports.” Adding to the confusion, he refused to end the phone call and kept asking us if we found it strange that a 38 year old man collected Labubu dolls. We decided to speak to our intern to understand what the hell a labubu is, and they stared at us for a few minutes and walked away.
