New York – In another stunning example of failing upward due to successes you had no hand in, former Chiefs Offensive Coordinator Matt Nagy has been hired as John Harbaugh’s new offensive coordinator for his first season as HC in New York. Giants fandom was immediately flabbergasted, and optimism for the 2026 season is already…
Los Angeles – Rams star wide receiver Puka Nacua has announced that he is now under the mentorship of controversial (to normal people) former NFL star Antonio Brown. “I have learned so much in the past 3 days since he has taken me under his wing, I have so much more to learn” said Nacua…
Miami – Police have announced that former Heat star and current Golden States Warriors small forward Jimmy Butler is no longer a ‘person of interest’ in the investigation into the house fire that destroyed coach Erik Spoelstra’s Miami home. Butler, who led the Heat to two separate NBA finals appearances, was well known in Miami…
Portland – FanDuel has announced that it plans to sponsor the impending trial of Portland Trailblazers coach Chauncey Billups, after Billups was arrested as part of an FBI investigation into illegal sports gambling. The NBA, who has never, ever, ever, ever had a gambling scandal, has decided to monetize on the incident by allowing FanDuel…
Houston – The Tennessee Titans lost their week 4 matchup with the Houston Texans, 26-0, much to the surprise of Titans QB Cam Ward. “We ass” Ward said after the game. “We keep it fizzy fizzy buck naw, we playing like Mr. Mint in Candyland, tripping over everything” he said. The Titans are 0-4 on…
Tom Brady, now part of the top pairing for Fox Sunday NFL broadcasts, said another ridiculous thing during his coverage of the Bears vs Cowboys during the week 3 matchup. Dallas WR George Pickens got upset, assumably after spending thousands on Pokemon cards and only getting Squirtles, slammed his helmet down. Now, this is a…
Denver – An investigation into the front office of the Denver Nuggets has shown an intention to keep payments to Nikola Jokic through a Conoco gas station secret, where he is a current employee. The appearance of ill intent was quickly refuted as it appears he is actually showing up to his scheduled shifts. “What…
Minneapolis, MN – Vikings quarterback J.J. McCarthy is expected to miss week 3 against the Cincinnati Bengals after dealing with an ankle sprain after the teams ridiculous and somewhat hilarious loss to the Falcons on Sunday Night Football. If J.J. is unable to go Sunday, Vikings HC Kevin O’Connell will look to veteran Carson Wentz…
Dallas Cowboys owner and generally unlikable curmudgeon Jerry Jones has begun implementing a plan to ban fans from entering AT&T Stadium this season if they can’t provide evidence of their love for the Queen Latifah led show, The equalizer, which was recently cancelled by CBS. Jerry Jones has been extra sensitive in recent weeks, as…
O.J. Simpson has decided to abandon the afterlife and continue searching for the real killer, as promised after his acquittal from the 1995 double murder trial. “I know he is still out there, and I was so close to finding him before that reaper man found me” said O.J. through a totally reliable and scientifically…