Lane Kiffin Heroically Chooses Between $9 Million at Ole Miss and $13 Million at LSU, Citing “Unimaginable Hardship” Of Decision

Baton Rouge, LA – In a moving display of personal sacrifice and a show of class solitude with the common man, newly hired LSU head football coach Lane Kiffin announced Thursday that accepting a reported $4 million/yr raise was “one of the toughest decisions of his life,” describing the negotiation process as a “soul searching…

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Howie Long Visibly Nervous as Terry Bradshaw Attempts to Pronounce Jaxon Smith-Njigba

Seattle – Howie Long has asked Fox executives for a dump button as he grows increasingly concerned with what he calls the “inevitable and ultimately horrific mispronunciation” by Terry Bradshaw of Seattle wide receiver Jaxon Smith-Njigba’s name. NFL legend Bradshaw, known for his quick recaps of gameday action during Halftime of the Sunday noon slate,…

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Frustrated by Season-Ending Injury, Tyreek Hill Calls Police After Domestically Abusing Himself

Miami – Miami Dolphins star Tyreek Hill was questioned and released by Miami-Dade County police after they were called to the wide receiver’s home for a domestic abuse situation. Hill had allegedly called the police after he lashed out at himself when he arrived home and remembered that his estranged wife was not there for…

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NFC North Predictions

 1. Chicago Bears (11–6) Please, oh please, do not suck (disclaimer – author is an irrational meatball Bears fan). They hired arguably the top coaching candidate and offensive guru Ben Johnson as their head coach this offseason, brought in competent O-line studs in Thuney and Dalman, and upgraded at DC with the hire of Dennis…

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