Kansas City – The Chiefs have welcomed back wide receiver Rashee Rice, who was serving a suspension for his involvement in a chain-reaction crash due to his reckless high speed racing on a Dallas highway. After much hesitance, team trainers allowed Rice to drive a staffer’s golf cart, which ended in disaster. Rice, with blood…
Portland – FanDuel has announced that it plans to sponsor the impending trial of Portland Trailblazers coach Chauncey Billups, after Billups was arrested as part of an FBI investigation into illegal sports gambling. The NBA, who has never, ever, ever, ever had a gambling scandal, has decided to monetize on the incident by allowing FanDuel…
Indianapolis – Former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez (and the unofficial mascot of this website due to his infamous butt fumble) was involved in an altercation last weekend that left the former first rounder in the hospital with stab wounds. Witnesses say that Sanchez, after attacking a door dash driver for parking in a way not…
Miami – Miami Dolphins star Tyreek Hill was questioned and released by Miami-Dade County police after they were called to the wide receiver’s home for a domestic abuse situation. Hill had allegedly called the police after he lashed out at himself when he arrived home and remembered that his estranged wife was not there for…
Houston – The Tennessee Titans lost their week 4 matchup with the Houston Texans, 26-0, much to the surprise of Titans QB Cam Ward. “We ass” Ward said after the game. “We keep it fizzy fizzy buck naw, we playing like Mr. Mint in Candyland, tripping over everything” he said. The Titans are 0-4 on…
New York – While some teams fanbases are preparing to make their run at the fall classic, Mets followers have a different plan. “Hope is just another blown save waiting to happen,” said Long Island resident Vinny Cavalogne. “We have seen this movie before, less than 10 games left, in a spot for the playoffs, then…
Tom Brady, now part of the top pairing for Fox Sunday NFL broadcasts, said another ridiculous thing during his coverage of the Bears vs Cowboys during the week 3 matchup. Dallas WR George Pickens got upset, assumably after spending thousands on Pokemon cards and only getting Squirtles, slammed his helmet down. Now, this is a…
Las Vegas – Raiders owner Mark Davis and his $2.5 Billion net worth prove to be more important than his Simple Jack haircut to his dating life. In a shock to absolutely no one ever, the billionaire has been spotted with an attractive younger female who he claims, you guessed it, likes him for his…
Miami – Week 3 brought another loss for the Dolphins, who are now 0-3 on the season. During the post game press conference, head coach Mike McDaniel admitted that the team was still ‘tanking for Tua’, the running theme of the 2019 season. When pressed on ‘what the hell he was talking about’, it became…
Denver – An investigation into the front office of the Denver Nuggets has shown an intention to keep payments to Nikola Jokic through a Conoco gas station secret, where he is a current employee. The appearance of ill intent was quickly refuted as it appears he is actually showing up to his scheduled shifts. “What…