Las Vegas – Raiders owner Mark Davis and his $2.5 Billion net worth prove to be more important than his Simple Jack haircut to his dating life. In a shock to absolutely no one ever, the billionaire has been spotted with an attractive younger female who he claims, you guessed it, likes him for his personality. Davis claims that Influencer (what a stupid gross word), Hayden Hopkins, didn’t know he was a billionaire and was “attracted to his beautiful smile”, continuing the American tradition of billionaires being both purposefully and obliviously delusional/full of shit. “I tell you, I am one lucky fella” said Davis through a rep. “She had no idea I am a billionaire, she was first attracted to my car collection, then she told me I had a lovely 15 bedroom 16 bath home, and loved the fact that I travel to Fiji 4 times a year. She m-m-m-m-m-makes me h-h-h-h-h-h-happy.”
Come on, you are being spoon fed the reference, much like Hopkins will eventually be spoon feeding Davis
Rumors are now circulating that Davis has managed to Cialis his way into impregnating Hopkins, in another ground breaking and totally surprising development. Hopkins insisted, through dry heaving and tears, that any future baby ‘irregardless’ (her words, not mine) of the father, would be raised in a loving home without that haircut. Tom Brady, minority owner of the Raiders, couldn’t be reached for comment. However, if his comment would be anything like his play by play, we assume he had something unrelated to say that was somewhat moronic.
