Dallas Cowboys owner and generally unlikable curmudgeon Jerry Jones has begun implementing a plan to ban fans from entering AT&T Stadium this season if they can’t provide evidence of their love for the Queen Latifah led show, The equalizer, which was recently cancelled by CBS.
Jerry Jones has been extra sensitive in recent weeks, as his ineptitude has been on full display (again) in free agency, costing his team an estimated $100 million due to his blunders (whoops). He is struggling with the idea that Dallas is projected to miss the playoffs again, and his super polygrip is not keeping food out and dentures in, as the packaging suggests. Fans attending training camp have even noticed the change in his demeanor. There are reports Jones has been lashing out at things as trivial as the type of grass used in the practice fields this year, the lack of Cracker Barrels within golf cart driving distance, and even blaming interns for his confusion over how magnets work.
Cowboys fan Jerome Jones recently engaged Jerry Jones in a Reddit spat over the quality of the cancelled series, with the latter even sending private security to Jerome Jones home in an effort to force him to watch all 74 episodes of the (what can only be assumed due to its airing on CBS) terrible show. Jerome was initially confused by the arrival of the agents to his assisted living community in the Dallas suburb of Highland Park, but immediately invited them in for some Tex-Mex and frozen margaritas. Jerry originally had planned to invite Jerome to watch the show on the jumbotron at AT&T stadium, but those plans were quickly scratched when Jerry became irate that Jerome appeared before him alphabetically in a 2014 city phone book.
In an attempt to gain some insight into the oftentimes misunderstood sniveler of modern football and all things fun, we reached out to Head of Player Development, Craig Robinson. “Jerry is going to do what Jerry is going to do, no one can change that.” said Robinson. He continued, with a growing sense of frustration in his voice, that “Jerry has done everything he can to turn this franchise around, and he will never sell this team, ever!” At this point in the interview, Robinson began building a cardboard “fort” of sorts around his desk, for reasons still unknown at time of publication. “Also, I swear if any of you turds call me again with more questions about a possible Office reunion, I am going to lose it” said Robinson, referring to the hit NBC sitcom, with which he shares a name with a series regular. Neither Jones could be reached for comment.
