White Sox and Chicago Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf has been spotted cashing in loose change at Coinstar locations throughout the northern Chicagoland area. Jerry, never one to pass up an opportunity to save some money, was seen arguing with several cashiers over the “exorbitant” 11.9% convenience fee Coinstar charges for its service. Eyewitnesses say that when he was told he could cash in his coins for gift cards with no fees, he was noticeably “aroused” and would not stop humming the theme to the hit show from the 80’s, Murder She Wrote.
His weird infatuation with Angela Lansbury aside, multiple staffers of both the Bulls and White Sox have secretly reported that their change jars and empty cups have been “noticeably light” as of late.
Brooks Boyer, Chief Marketing Officer of the White Sox, says that Jerry usually gets pretty giddy this time of year, as he looks forward to getting his hand on the promotional giveaways, usually reserved for the fans attending that day’s game. “Oh, Jerry? Well, I’d say he checks in on me once every few hours until October or so” Boyer said, referring to Jerry’s well known love for anything free. Boyer continued, stating that “he usually can’t wait to get his hands on the magnetic schedules, which he then gives as gifts to family members and executives within the organization, usually well after the season has ended.” Boyer also noted that Jerry was no longer allowed in the stadium on free shirt Thursdays, as they were frequently running out of the giveaway before first pitch.
Jerry’s penny-pinching ways have turned a team he bought for $19 million in 1981 into a team worth upwards of $2 billion, according to Forbes magazine. “I am really proud of my dad and what he has accomplished” said son Michael Reinsdorf, in between shakes of the vending machine that he claims “stole his money” by not delivering him his PB Max bar (which was discontinued in 1994). “Someday this team will be mine, as well as the free t-shirts, empty cans I can recycle for cash, and even the copper pipes lining the stadium.”
A call into Jerry’s office to inquire as to what gift cards he chose in lieu of paying the Coinstar convenience fee garnered the following exasperated response from his assistant: “So yeah….apparently he yelled at some people waiting in line behind him for not having Woolworth’s as a gift card option, then he settled on Amazon and has been attempting to hock them straight-up for cash to everyone in the office. The problem is, he thinks it is easier to ‘use the Amazon Cards on the internets’, and is asking for $6 in return for a $5 gift card.”
