Denver – An investigation into the front office of the Denver Nuggets has shown an intention to keep payments to Nikola Jokic through a Conoco gas station secret, where he is a current employee. The appearance of ill intent was quickly refuted as it appears he is actually showing up to his scheduled shifts. “What are we supposed to do? If he wants to work a second job, there isn’t really anything we can do to stop it” says Ben Tenzer, EVP of Basketball Operations. “The guy works two overnight shifts a week, seems to enjoy the smell of donuts and diesel, and keeps the bathrooms sparkling clean.” The Commissioners Office released a statement, citing the investigation into Kawhi Leonard as the reason behind the scrutiny: “We have conducted our investigation into the Denver Nuggets and have found no wrong doing by any of the parties involved. Jamal Murray was also investigated, but after finding out that he only ‘believes’ he works at a Circuit City (which no longer even exists) when in reality he only spends too much time watching television in an Aurora Wal-Mart, we have closed the case.
Jamal Murray beginning to believe Kyrie Irving may be right about that flat Earth thing
Commissioner Adam Silver, who first appeared to not know of the Conoco gas station, then days later admitted he did know of the Conoco gas station in question, has urged teams to remind their players that they make enough money and second jobs are not necessary. “Need I remind you that your union has spent an absurd amount of time bitching about contracts and that I have acquiesced as much as possible, in spite of the multiple objections from the owners” said Silver, who seemed clearly over this nonsense. “Kyrie is working 1 day a week at a bookstore and he doesn’t even know how to read, Zion Williamson is working part time at a Johnny’s Po-Boys, which is clearly a terrible idea. Even Jimmy Butler is working at a Marshall’s in Oakland…..but maybe that is good for him.”
When reached for comment, Jokic would only say “do you want a car wash today?”
