Portland – FanDuel has announced that it plans to sponsor the impending trial of Portland Trailblazers coach Chauncey Billups, after Billups was arrested as part of an FBI investigation into illegal sports gambling. The NBA, who has never, ever, ever, ever had a gambling scandal, has decided to monetize on the incident by allowing FanDuel to sponsor the trial once they go to court. NBA Commissioner Adam Silver, who has been mentioned on this very site before, stated through his Plenty of Fish account that he was “disappointed in Chauncey’ and that “the NBA takes 10% of all playe-I mean we take gambling by players and coaches very seriously.” A spokesperson from FanDuel said that they are hoping to pull Judge Lance Ito, famous for sitting on the bench during the O.J trial, out of retirement. “Hopefully we can get Judge Ito to do this thing, I’m sure he can’t totally mess up another high profile sports case.”
Judge Ito daydreaming about Marcia Clark’s sweet, sweet ineptitude and behind.
No one within the front office of the Trailblazers could be reached for comment, but one unpaid intern did mutter that he thought they could ‘get a better deal with Draft Kings’ that would be more team friendly. The league is still waiting for the full fallout from the Kawhi Leonard pay scandal, and this will certainly put more pressure on the commissioners office to punish players and teams who skirt the rules much more quickly and harshly.
Silver wanted to remind everyone that the league will hold a press conference sometime next week, and that it will be brought to you by Draft Kings, Caesars, Fanatics Sportsbook, ESPN Bet, BetMGM, Bet365, Underdog, and to visit our website for applicable signup promos. Silver wanted to stress that if you or a friend has a gambling problem, call the National Problem Gambling Helpline at 1-800-522-4700.
