Santa Clara – The Seattle Seahawks have obviously emerged as America’s favorite to win Super Bowl LX as Patriots somehow return to the big game way too soon for a team with such historical success. The poll, conducted online or somewhere else (doesn’t matter even a little), showed that over 88% of Americans want Seattle to emerge victorious, while 12% of Americans are currently tipsy off spiked Dunkin Donuts and facing domestic abuse charges. When asked why they favored the Seahawks so strongly, made up person Mark Markinson said “Really?? Really? Everything is so awful right now, just awful. Screw the Patriots, the fact they are even back in the Super Bowl makes me want to vomit”.
Fuck you, Portnoy, you rapey whiney little bitch. Look at that stupid face.
Super Bowl LX is February 8th at 6:30 p.m. EST, and will be broadcast on NBC and their streaming service Peacock. You can expect what was once appointment tv in the form of new and amusing commercials to now be overrun with overexposed celebrities, who absolutely do not need the money, hawking more and more gambling websites as professional sports leagues are still somehow confused as to why fans question the integrity of the results on the field/diamond/court/ice. You can also look forward to some sort of crypto scam commercial, a forgotten celebrity cameo in a Dorito’s commercial, and a political ad or two to remind you how absolutely awful everything is (as though the Patriots in the game isn’t a reminder itself).
